Homesickness: The First Pangs

It was bound to happen. Slowly, but surely, I've started having moments of homesickness. I went through a phase in my life when I was always the homesick kid: at camp, at sleepovers, on school trips, you name it - I missed my mommy. Then, in college and for a few years afterwards, I was the exact opposite of homesick. I was always excited to be away from the familiar, trying new things, meeting new people, exploring, and doing everything except being at home (sorry Mom). This homesick-feeling is different, as I now have so many places that I consider home! It's not as simple anymore. For instance, I had my first Seattle dream the other night - and it wasn't about the people that I miss in Seattle (of which there are plenty), nor of the places that I miss in Seattle (of which there are, also, many) it was simply about summertime in Seattle. I believe I was sitting at El Camino having a Margarita in my dream, which is, honestly, something I've only ever done ONCE in my life. Really. I also miss my parents! It appears I have outgrown my adolescent aversion to missing my parents. And then there's "The Family" at large... oy... Especially my 5-month-old nephew, Calvin. At this point in his short life, I've been away more than I've been around!

I also find these moments of missing-home striking me at the oddest moments. This morning, sitting in Shabbat services, I was struck by a familiar tune, and immediately thrown back to sitting in the Pollin Chapel at Temple Beth Israel, listening to Cantor Schiff singing the same melody, and suddenly missed Temple Beth Israel more than I think I have since I moved to California for college 8 years ago. Wow, 8 years ago? Anyway...

It has been an interesting week in many ways. Sunday I had the opportunity to volunteer at the Taglit Birthright Mega event here in Jerusalem. "The Mega," is just that... MEGA. Every birthright participant who is in the country at the time on a birthright trip gets crammed into the Jerusalem Convention Center for a few hours of entertainment, not-so-subtle hints about making Aliyah from various Israeli government officials, and then "the largest Jewish dance party ever". It's hilarious. And strange. But it was nice to be able to give back a little as a birthright alumna, to staff the birthright alumni table. I thought we would be interacting with the current participants, answering questions about life after birthright. Nope. It was like I was a JCSC fellow all over again, pushing "Judaism-for-free" on these kids. We were, for reasons I'm still not entirely sure of, giving away CDs of Israeli "Indie-Rock" in English....? Yeah I don't know. But, the four of us HUC students who staffed the table had a grand-ole time. It was neat to be on the other side of the Mega event, and to get a different, less exhausted and adrenaline'd out perspective.

This Wednesday was Rosh Chodesh Elul, the first of the Jewish month of introspection leading up to the High Holidays. HUC students were treated to a 4:30 am Sephardi Selichot service up on French Hill, just adjacent to the Hebrew University Campus. It was an interesting experience. Aside from getting up at 3:30 in order to meet the charter bus at school at 4am (it's been a long time since I have seen that hour of the day) the service itself was interesting. We, the women, had to sit upstairs in the Ezrat Nashim (women's section), and quite frankly, it was a little too early in the morning for me to have any feelings of righteous indignation. If I'm being totally honest, I would admit that it was sort of nice to sit upstairs and not be "obligated" to rise with the rest of the congregation, or feel the pressure to pretend that I wasn't completely lost in the service. As far as women's sections go, this one wasn't so bad. There was a beautiful metal lattice-work grille in front of the balcony to obscure the men's view of us (I guess I've got some retroactive righteous indignation), but it actually lent a very beautiful physical element to the experience of the service. The Sephardi melodies were beautiful, and the Rabbi singing the penitential prayers actually sounded mournful and deeply sorrowful - I could not help but be moved by that. Plus they had really delicious tea. So, all in all, it was a good experience. Honestly, I would do it again.

As we move through this month of Elul, we are supposed to be introspective, to really take stock of our lives in preparation for the New Year and the Day of Atonement. I've never actually paid attention to Elul before. In the past few years, Elul has been dedicated to getting ready for the High Holidays on a very mundane level - making sure there were enough school supplies, setting curriculum, working. We are finishing Ulpan on Tuesday and then have a 10 day break before fall semester begins again. I am hoping to take this opportunity, this gift of not having to work, to so some of the nitty-gritty Elul exploration. It's something that I used to be good at - well, as good as anyone can really be at critically evaluating oneself - and over the course of the last 4 years have stopped doing. This is one of the things that I love about Judaism and the passage of "Jewish Time," we have these opportunities throughout the year to check-in, to take a look at our lives and make changes, or begin to understand how to make those changes. There are four new years in the Jewish calendar: Rosh Hashana, Tu B'Shevat - the new year of the trees, The New year of the Kings - I can't remember when or what that is, and Pesach. I usually take the opportunity to do some spiritual spring-cleaning around Pesach, as for some reason the metaphor of leaving Mitzrayim has always been more tangible (I've moved around a lot), but I've never been able to pay close attention to Elul and the rituals therein. I'm beginning to understand that, other than just a first year of Grad School, this year in Jerusalem is ripe with opportunities to give myself and my soul some of the attention it truly needs.

So, how did I get from homesickness to introspection? I'm not sure... it's just what has happened this week.

Much love and many blessings.